Top 3 Lessons To Becoming a New Feminine Leader
Not enough people believe they can be a leader. This year marks the year that I stopped trying to prove myself by being a leader out there in the world and instead focused inward at leading my own life in alignment with TRUTH. Here are the 3 highlighted lessons I’ve learned from my journey to true and authentic leadership:
1) Surrender and Let Go
I recently wrote a post about how we are all holding onto something in our lives so tightly that is holding us back from stepping into the fullness of who we are. I realized that I was afraid of letting go of control because I was afraid of falling apart … and I’m not alone in this fear. What would happen if I completely lost it? Would I be able to live? I seriously believed that if I had an emotional collapse, I would die. I wouldn’t be able to do anything.
What I’ve learned, however, is that not “doing” anything has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Because in feeling completely “taken out” and unable to work for days on end, I realized I would not die, and in fact, feel more alive and in the present moment. In allowing myself to simply be, I found that I was completely supported. The money always came in, the people around me loved me just as much if not more, and I found a new strength within my heart that I didn’t know was there before to be real and vulnerable.
Surrendering and letting go to me does not mean giving up and quitting. It simply means admitting that I’ve gotten off track so I’m going to stop spinning my wheels trying to do things “the right way” and start spending more time in silence and stillness to allow the inspiration and guidance to come to me so I’m flowing downstream instead of rowing up the river. In other words, get out of my head and into my body. Stop thinking and start feeling.
2) Integrating my body, mind and soul
I swung from one end of the pendulum as ultra-masculine thinker-doer-accomplisher to the other end as ultra-feminine feeler-flower-manifester. I learned how to be me, the essence of being a woman, instead of who I thought I should be. I learned to be in the flow instead of planning every minute of my life. I created space and suddenly realized I had all this time to play and take care of myself.
I missed the masculine get-stuff-done Tanya though. I had been trained for years in leading teams and building businesses.
I had to go from one extreme to the other to realize that one is not better than the other and the best would be to land in the middle and integrate both sides of me.
In fact, I had to integrate all the parts of myself that I had left behind in my childhood. All the parts of myself that I hid and felt shame around … those parts were equally as important to embrace the fullness of being alive.
My anger had a place alongside my excitement.
My grief had a place alongside my happiness.
As I discovered what it felt like to live in my body instead of in my head all the time, I realized that my intuition and my intellect were equally important.
I pieced all the parts back together to get back to my wholeness. Integration is about feeling all of your feelings, getting complete with your past, accepting your spiritual and human nature, and loving all the aspects of being alive here on this planet.
3) Trust myself, others and God
I wanted so desperately to feel the presence of God. I wanted to feel like something else was out there and that I didn’t have to do it all by myself. “Hard work” was the God of my understanding growing up and as soon as I distinguished this illusion, I also saw that I used nature as my sanctuary away from my life, an escape from hard work. While I knew in my head that God was nature, God was within me, God was all around me, I didn’t feel it. I felt alone. I felt burdened. I was the martyr who had to save the day because I simply didn’t trust otherwise. Remember, I was afraid of letting go and falling apart because I really didn’t trust that anyone would catch me in my collapse.
When I finally collapsed, I felt God. One morning, I had woken up in a sweat and while I couldn’t place my finger on what I was so charged about, I just knew I needed to be in my sanctuary. I took off down the street to the lagoon, running and practicing my release technique to shake off the overwhelming feeling of panic and anxiety in my chest.
I ran hard. I felt the pressure in my chest start to build and then explode. I started bawling. I stopped at the top of a hill and with tears streaming down my face, I looked up and shouted “I trust in God.” Through blurred vision, I saw the vastness of the sky and the expansion of the land in front of me past my line of vision. How could I possibly be alone in this world? I felt it.
At that moment, I let go of being so hard on myself. Trust myself, trust my process.
Trust that I am being provided everything that I need for my growth and expansion at every given moment. Trust that it is all in perfect sequence and divine order. Trust that all of this in front of me … these trees and mountains and flowers and grass … it is all in harmony, a perfect ecosystem. Trust that I am part of all of that. Trust that all is well.
I am not alone. And neither are you.
Leadership is about leading your own life.
Leadership is about gaining the awareness and wisdom to see the perfection in every moment.
Leadership is trust in yourself that you have what you need to fully let go of the pretense and simply be.
Leadership is trusting others are on their path and by you staying on yours, you can inspire.
Leadership is ownership, responsibility and integrity to stand in the truth of who you are and trust your inner guidance.
Leadership is acceptance of the unfolding of life and being present with what is.
I’m having another session of “Conversations About Leading In Truth” in just a few minutes … join me at 12pm PST (today Tuesday 9/24) to watch live or recorded:
I’ll be talking with Ellen Smoak about building a solid foundation to increase your capacity to surrender and go deep, as well as finding your truth so you can have healthier and juicier relationships with the people in your life.
See you in a few … and if you are busy, you can always watch the recording 🙂
And before you go, please write a comment below. What have been your top 3 lessons this year?