Tribal Truth

As I mentioned last week, I’ve been in a state of avoidance. Being in a tribe is not always easy. Working in a relationship-based business requires constant self-realization, responsibility and reflection.

For me, I have been avoiding my bigger purpose: Empowering leadership on the planet. I noticed myself not “doing the work” – and what I mean by that is constantly checking in with how I’m showing up in all my various partnerships.

Because how I show up in my partnerships is a reflection of my own leadership. Until I own my leadership, I cannot expect others to own theirs.

I have been saying, “It’s not about me. This isn’t my tribe. It’s your tribe,” to everyone around me.

What I got is that it is my tribe. And when I fully own it, that I’m the founder, the foundation, it is only then when it will no longer be about me.

So I’ve been walking around angry at so many people, blaming them for “not stepping up,” when I finally got it has nothing to do with them. It’s all about me.

Leadership is Presence and Commitment. I’m already committed. But I have not been embodying Presence.

This presence thing: it’s about owning my shit. Owning my value and my worth. Having love and compassion for myself. Getting that I am whole and complete by myself. And when I get that, I can let go of the anger, resentment, and frustration with others because they are going on their own journey and I can just love them for exactly who they are and who they are not.

Today, I want to share with you some wisdom I learned from our San Diego Tribe Leader, Cara Cadwallader.

Cara is brilliant. She said this:

“…as Divine Feminine Leaders we recognize that when we allow negativity to seep in through our words about or towards another that this is also a form of violence.”

The reason I’m sharing these words with you today is because without forgiveness, without acceptance of others, we start to talk negatively about them. We gossip, name call, talk behind someone’s back.

A tribe cannot exist in harmony when everyone is talking behind everyone else’s back.

And what is the point of all of it without relationships?

Why do you want to have a 6 figure business if you don’t have love in your relationships?

Why do you want to write a best selling book if you are angry at all the people around you?

And yet we continue to think it is all separate.

It’s not.

Health, relationships, spirituality, business … it’s all intertwined.

We are all intertwined. We are all connected. Mirrors of one another.

Your business is a vehicle for your gift and self-expression to shine through and impact others. It is not the end goal. It’s not what life is all about. What’s the big picture? What’s the bigger why?

And that’s what I’ve been thinking about with Tribal Truth.

It’s not about networking, although that is something that happens.

It’s not about your business, although your business gets impacted.

It’s about something bigger than all of us.

What if we all stood together for something? What if we all stood for “divine feminine leadership”? And that may not be the correct term, because it is important to integrate and honor the divine masculine. How about “new paradigm leadership”?

What would happen if we all stood for one another’s leadership? And a new kind of leadership on the planet?

We all know the current model of leadership in the world isn’t working so well. Just look at all the war and violence taking place.

And yet it comes back to what Cara said: violence exists in the simple negative words we use on a daily basis. We don’t own our worth and love ourselves completely, which we project onto others.

Forgive yourself. Forgive others.

And then start to celebrate your brilliance and the brilliance in others. Focus on the light.

Everyone has something to offer you. True collaboration is honoring all the gifts in the tribe and not trying to be all things to all people. Honor my gift and I will honor yours. We don’t have to do it alone. We can each give our core competency, our unique gift. And then allow the best in each person to be brought forth in the tribe.

But it starts with forgiveness. Wipe the slate clean of all judgments, all resentments, all upsets with others in the tribe. They cannot give their best if you are looking at them for their worst.

We are all on this journey together.

How many times have you said you’ve forgiven someone, but in your heart, you still haven’t?

In this week’s Truth Telling Tuesday video, Hillary Rubin shares about her journey with forgiveness.

I love her sense of humor and the Hawaiian prayer she shares.

Check it out:

Is there anyone you are not accepting in your life? Or someone who you say you’ve forgiven, but deep down you are still hanging on to a grudge? What is stopping you?

Would love to hear your comments.

Special surprise today! But you’ve got to watch the video to see what it is…

I have to admit, I struggled making this video. Why? Because I struggle with forgiveness. I come from a line of stubborn Italians who hold looooong grudges. My grandma comes from a family of 6-8 so you can imagine that I have a lot of cousins.

The thing was, I didn’t realize that about 20 of them lived about an hour away because my grandma had caused a family feud for 15 years. It finally ended during a funeral when they all came together and forgot why they weren’t talking in the first place.

So forgiveness. My stubborn ego hates it. Forgive myself? Even harder.

And yet that’s what I’ve been doing the past couple days.

What do you forgive yourself for? Please leave a comment on the blog.

I used to hate the video camera. When my brother and I were little, he always had a video camera and I remember how I wanted to be the shooter because he was much more entertaining than me.

I thought I was boring and had nothing that would keep the attention of the audience.

When Novalena and I started Tribal Truth and wanted to start creating videos together, all of my old story that “I was boring” came up, especially next to someone who loved the camera and used to be a radio show host.

But I pushed through it and kept making videos of myself.

What made me do it?

I just wanted to get good at sharing my truth.

I’m sharing this with you because there is probably a time in your life when you thought what you had to say didn’t matter and you silenced yourself from speaking your truth.

Or there may have been a defining moment when you spoke your truth for the first time and it changed everything for you.

In today’s Truth Telling Tuesday video, Alexia Vernon from the Las Vegas tribe shares her story about speaking up in the face of difficult circumstances (think braces and headgear!)

Alexia led a powerful piece during the Las Vegas launch where we got to share our stories around voicing our truth and we’re eager to hear yours.

Before I talk about this week’s Truth Telling Tuesday video, I just wanted to share how incredible the Las Vegas launch was.

AMAZING!

Tears of joy, tears of letting go, dancing, laughing, new friendships, new business collaborations … it was beyond any of our expectations. We now have 21 Vegas Tribe members and more joining this week.

One woman had a near death experience when her car spun out on the way to the event! Shaking and trembling, she kept driving because she knew she had to be there. Now that’s commitment.

Speaking of commitment, in our Tribal Truth private members FB group, we’ve been having quite a committed and passionate debate about sales and marketing in the new paradigm.

When is your promotion considered spam? What is tasteful marketing? Is your offer repelling or attracting people?

And have you ever thought: is marketing making you ill?

Tribal Truth London member, Lynn Serafinn, has been researching this topic in creation of her new book The 7 Graces of Marketing.

This best-selling book has now spun off into an event this summer and I’m quite impressed with the movement Lynn has created.

Check it out in this week’s Truth Telling Tuesday video:

Enjoy!

Love,
Tanya

PS. Ladies in London, we hope to see you this Saturday at the launch! I’m on my way there as you are reading this. http://tiny.cc/ttlondon

This week’s Truth Telling Tuesday honors two women who have been a beautiful demonstration of feminine leadership and collaboration, Amanda Stephen and Claire Brummell.

Amanda has been the Manifesting Queen of London this month, first manifesting the tribe leader position in Tribal Truth and then manifesting her dream leadership position in South Africa this summer.

With grace and ease, she held the most pristine listening for Tribal Truth London and voila! handed the baton to Claire Brummell.

I’m so honored to be part of this Collaboration of Queens and have so much gratitude for all of the women in London who have come together for the launch on April 21.

Check out the full story and lessons in this week’s Truth Telling Tuesday video:

Next up, introducing our Speakers and Facilitators at the London Launch on April 21:

Please like it, share it and meet us live and in person at http://www.tribal-truth.com/launch.

I am beyond excited about the next three months. To have the opportunity to travel to eight cities and meet so many empowered women who are together making a difference … wow! My life seriously rocks.

The Las Vegas Launch is a very powerful one because these women are committed to shifting Sin City to Soul City. These ladies are ready to do what it takes in the face of any and all opposition: BRING IT ON!

Meet the Vegas tribe here and join us on April 14:

Space is really limited at Ganesha Center so grab your seat quickly before we sell out: http://tiny.cc/ttlv

And can I get a drum roll please for the next video?

I have had this dream of making a Tribal Truth music video since we started in 2010. When I went up to the Bay Area last month, it literally fell into place in less than 24 hours. Totally impromptu and ridiculously fun. (I’m not obsessed with the song or anything … lol!)

Enjoy!

Please leave some love on the comments below.

And the best compliment you could give us is sharing both videos on your social media feeds.

Ok, before I share this week’s Truth Telling Tuesday video, I have to let you in on a secret that I am DYING TO TELL!

We made a music video and it is hot. Smokin hot.

We’ll be releasing it soon, so be on the look out for it!

Now that I’ve got your panties in a bunch, let’s do some truth telling.

This week’s video is not the prettiest because I look like I just rolled out of bed although I had already been skyping with London ladies for 2 hours prior to it.

I’ve been working my butt off for the launches coming up next month, and enjoying every moment of it.  I absolutely love getting inspired by talking to women around the world every day about collaboration, partnership and tribe.

But here’s the thing: being in a tribe is not always pretty, nice, feel good and yummy.

You will get upset with people, get annoyed and want to leave the tribe. This is just the dynamic of being in community because our identity wants to keep us separate and alone.

Watch this week’s video to learn how to deal with the not-so-nice-and-pretty side of being in a tribe:

I would love to hear from you:

Please comment on your experience with getting upset or triggered in tribe. How did you handle it? Or run away from it?

Excited to hear from you!

Love,
Tanya

PS. Launches are quickly approaching in a city near you: http://www.tribal-truth.com/launch

What do you do when you just don’t frickin’ feel like it?

Can you relate to this:

I’ve literally been thinking about avoiding today’s Truth Telling Tuesday post ALL DAY. This morning I thought: how can I get out of this? Make an excuse? I’ve got a really good one: I’m in Arizona!

Then this afternoon I thought: well, I can do it after dinner.

About 5 minutes ago, I thought: screw it, no one will notice. I’m exhausted and all I want to do is go to bed.

Have you ever decided not to show up with the excuse that no one will notice and that it doesn’t matter?

While no one has told me I have to do this post every Tuesday, I made a commitment to myself that I would do it.

And if I can’t show up for myself, who I can I show up for?

This is self-worth. This is me owning that I matter, that I’m worth honoring my word to myself.

I saw today how sneaky and slimy I was being. Yes, I had a lot of valid excuses, but I’m not interested in being ordinary and reasonable. I’m interested in being extraordinary and honoring my commitment to create a global organization.

How can I lead an organization in 100 cities around the world if I can’t pull it together to create today’s post?

We don’t think that these small details matter, but they do. How you do one thing is how you do everything.

As I actually take a look at my week, I can see right now that this wasn’t the only commitment I was looking to get out of (no surprise!). On Sunday, I had a conversation with Isabella about wanting to bail out of producing the Vagina Monologues in San Diego. I missed a call on Monday that wasn’t in my calendar. I missed another call this evening.

It’s a snowball effect and I wasn’t even present to it.

Here’s the three things that had me pull it together:

1) I got present to the bigger picture: my BIG DREAM. It’s easy to honor small commitments when you create a larger context. The bigger the game, the bigger I have to be to play the game. If you want to run a marathon, you have to start with 1 mile, not 26.

2) I knew I’d feel better afterwards. Oh isn’t this the truth! So much is pouring out of me right now and I realize how healing the writing process is. A huge energetic burden is being lifted off of me. No wonder I’ve been so tired: I’ve been resisting and avoiding commitments instead of talking about them or just flowing with them. When we resist life, it gets so much more difficult than when we just go with the flow. And by flow I mean flow with your commitments, not blow them over.

3) I thought about if I was on the receiving end. If I was a member looking forward to getting the Truth Telling Tuesday post, I’d not only be upset, but I’d also lose trust and respect for Tanya for not delivering. Putting it in this perspective really got my butt in gear.

This is a tough one. Why? Because so many times we make too many commitments and then have a hard time juggling them. As women, we struggle to create boundaries.

Why do we struggle to create boundaries? Many reasons: self-worth for one, and also because we aren’t present to our primary values and goals to see if the commitment is in alignment with fulfilling on what we truly want in life.

So we sit on the fence in fear of failing to honor a commitment or we flake on a commitment once we make it.

And then we upset the people in our lives who are on the receiving end. And what do they do? Keep quite, building resentment.

So two more thoughts:

1) Get clear on your primary goals and values in life. Before making a commitment, make sure it is in alignment.

2) If you make a commitment, honor it. And by honor I mean have a conversation with someone when you don’t feel like it to get you present to why you made the commitment in the first place. And if you really can’t continue to do what’s required, have a conversation that honors the person you made the commitment to instead of just flaking out and not showing up.

If you think it doesn’t matter (translation: you think YOU don’t matter), make the inquiry by asking the other person how they feel.

Please share: Where are you not honoring your commitments? Where are you pretending you don’t matter?

PS. In case you are wondering where the video is, I realized that the writing process was more healing for me in this moment. I love to write and don’t do it enough. So I am making the commitment to start writing every week and putting it in my schedule so I don’t blow it off.

I love Harbin.

If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a beautiful retreat center and hot spring about 2 hours north of San Francisco.

A few of us went up there for some R&R Sunday. Talk about some truth telling when you get naked!

Check out what our tribe member, Shivie Cook had to say about her little voice taking her out of the game:

One of my other big a-ha’s was overcoming my fear of being in the hot pool (110-115 degrees!). I’d put my feet in and think they were going to melt. Don’t even mention to me the cold pool!

But Shivie told me to get all the way in and then freeze and put my hands on my stomach. Sure enough, I was able to hold it, but as soon as someone was on the stairs, I’d panic feeling like I was trapped and needed to bolt.

After about 10 rounds of going hot pool cold pool, I had it. I could sit there in the water and not be bothered either way.

What’s that all about?

It reminded me of Vipassana meditation and the sadhus who sit in the Himalayas in a loin cloth: it is simply not reacting to the sensation in the body until it no longer bothers you.

Mind over matter. When you let go of your attachment to the craving or aversion to the trigger, you find peace and stillness.

Yet another reason to do this: it’s really good for your organs as the blood is able to flow better after being in the extreme hot and cold water.

http://www.harbin.org